Sexy to Sexless in Six Months Flat

It seems I've just this day realized something about myself.

I am not different.

Why am I so inanely, and insanely focused on gaining sex when I am out in the world on my own, yet perfectly contented in sexless companionship once I feel love?

I am the terribly cliched woman who uses sex to get love. I've never known (seen, but not truly known) such a perfect example of this distasteful state of being.

I've always (since that fated 21st January, when I finally decided to just give it up) considered myself to be a very sexual being. I've had ridiculous conquests for a Midwestern girl of only 26. I've had nearly public threesomes and loved the hell out of them.

But put me in a relationship, sharing a bathroom, renting movies together - and I am so perfectly content in that blissful companionship that an amorous feeling is expressed in a snuggle; a hug.

So this begs the question - am I TYPICAL?

This may very well be the case.

So here go all of my previous assumptions out the window; I am a perfectly reasonable, middle class white woman, growing into her mother's, aunts', television cliches' shoes. I am on the verge of being single once again, and will be set out into the world with dreams of sex-leading-to-companionship once again (only this time much more clearly) and surely will repeat this cycle again. Luring in men with my temptress, fucking my way into their homes, and then setting up shop, only to take their libido, crumple it up into a little ball, and set it out for weekly trash pickup.

I am asexual.

Yet I have no idea how to find love without it. Apparently, and unbeknownst to me until about 18 hours ago, I have no idea how to keep it either.

So, do I change? That seems the only logical fix to this pickle I'm in. But - change. So illusive, and seemingly unattainable for this person I've become. Not once have I looked at my future self, thought, That's what I'm going to be, and successfully achieved it. Not once.

Perhaps I should take a cue from the women I know only as characters, from nuclear wives of decades past, and tie down the next man before he knows what he's getting himself into. I am, after all, getting up there in years.